Louis C.K.: Lice at the Beacon Theatre
“That’s such a confusing thing to me, because you believe that God gave you the Earth, that God created the Earth for you. Why would you not have to look after it? Why would you not think that, when he came back, he’d go ‘What the fuck did you do? I gave this to you motherfucker, are you crazy? The polar bears are brown, what’d you do?! What’d you do to the polar bears, did you shit all over every polar bear? Who spilled this shit? Come over here, did you spill this? What is that?
(sniveling idiot voice) ‘It’s oil, it’s just some oil. I didn’t mean to spill it’
‘Well why did you take it out of the fucking ground?
‘Cause I wanted to go faster, it’s not fast enough, and it was cold’
‘What the fuck do you mean it’s cold? I gave you everything you needed you piece of shit.’
‘Well cause jobs, I wanted a job’
‘What is a job? Explain to me, what’s a fucking job?’
‘You work at a place and people call when their game doesn’t work and you help them figure it out’
‘What do you that for?’
‘What do you need MONEY for?’
‘Just eat the shit on the floor, I left shit all over the floor, fucking corn and wheat and shit, ground it up make some bread what are you doing?’
‘Yeah but it doesn’t have bacon on it, I like when it has like bacon on it’”